I am a dung beetle.... constantly pushing shit around

Selection: Internal
Wins: 5 (1967, 1969, 1976, 1981, 1997)
2020: James Newman – My Last Breath
2021: James Newman - Embers

Appearances: 60
Wins: 5
Selection method: National final Eurovision: You Decide,
Vote: Public and jury with the results not disclosed, but this is not Russia…
Winner: SuRie
Song: Storm


SuRie’s stage name is a ‘clever’ combination of her real names, Susanna Marie, though it sounds like something Scooby Doo would say. Even less clever than the stage-name, SuRie appears to want to be Annie Lennox. This song is not even as good as a Lennox B-side. When the song asks “Hey mother, Am I making you proud or could I do better” the answer is no. Mother is ashamed.

No Stranger to the Eurovision stage, SuRie has been a backing vocalist for Belgium twice, in 2015 and last year. Those songs were favourites, but this song definitely is not and nor does it deserve to be. It has some of the elements of a popular song, but it just doesn’t combine them right. Instead of sounding like a winner it sounds like an inspirational ad for an autism charity or something.

This song will likely be executed well and the performance will be as tight as you would expect from a broadcaster as experienced in Eurovision as the BBC is, but even with all the imported writing talent brought in, this will not be a winner. Not even top 10.

Could SuRie be described as a Ring-A-Ding Girl. Its doubtful. The 1960s were a different time.

United Kingdom.
Previous Entries: 58
Wins: 5 1967 Sandy Shaw - Puppet on a String
            1969 (shared) Lulu - Boom Bang-a-Bang
            1975 Brotherhood of Man - Save Your Kisses for Me
            1981 Bucks Fizz – Making your mind up
            1997 Katrina and the Waves - Love Shine a Light
First Entry: 1957 Patricia Bredin – All
Most recent entry: 2015 Electro Velvet - Still in Love with You
National Anthem: God Save the Queen

2016:



Joe and Jake - You're Not Alone

This is an early naughties pop song, a bit dated for Eurovision 2016. What’s worse is that it is performed by not one but two ‘talent’ show losers. Whatever, this is what the people voted for.

The Mirror called this song middle of the road, but then what would they know, they liked Darline best who were very off key in “You Decide”. If Darline had won it wouldn’t be the first time the UK sent an act that couldn’t sing. Who knows if any of the acts can sing. Maybe Joe and Jake could be another Jemini.

The boys need to learn how to perform and the tall guy (I don’t know if he is Joe or Jake and I don’t really care) better hope his hair grows a bit before Eurovision so he can have a decent hair cut rather than looking like a Special Ed kid. Or maybe they shouldn’t bother, listening to the live version they are definitely not going to win.

The Uk has given the world so much good music over the last 50 or so year. How is it that they never manage to send that to Eurovision. I mean look at 1978

SPOILER ALERT: if you are yet to watch the semis, this is a list of the running order of the final, so the 11 non-qualifiers are not listed. if you don't want to know who qualified, stop reading now.

Other than an update  on the odds, this is mainly a copy and paste of what I wrote earlier in the week, mainly because it is not fair to base Denmark and the big 5 on their rehearsal and the 20 acts that qualified from the semis on their polished performance complete with gimmicks and effects, but Romania was pretty awesome in the end

( Final running order )

United Kingdom has won 5 Eurovision, the last was in 1997.The bookmakers are putting this years entry in the top ten and have the UK the highest out of the Big 5. The UK may stay the highest of the big 5, but after the semis, I don't see this song in the top ten.



Artist: Molly
Song: Children of the Universe.

This will probably get 12 points from the Ukraine and a few reasonable scores from other western European countries, but that's all political and has nothing to do with the song being any good. It isn't bad, it just isn't good.

The greatest flaw appears to be the vocals. The quite verse is drowned by the music and she only projects when she is being 'loud', and with all her theatrical work she should be able to project and be quiet at the same time. She mangles it here. The lines are not well articulated.

In saying that, all the bad can be hidden by an amazing performance. Good vocals and an amazing performance and this could go top 5. I think around ten would be its best hope though.

The Bio for this act say 'the lyrics promote the universal message of love and unity', which can be a winner. Italy tried to unite Europe in 1990 with 'Insieme: 1992'

Performer: Englebert Humperdinck
Song: Love Will Set You Free

Everything thing about this screams out 'Naff!', Once you say 'Englebert Humberdinck', nothing after that seems to be redeemable, but this is just naff enough to win. Worse hings have won.

All I can do is sit here with my head in my hands and listen to find a reason why this shouldn't win. All the things that make this horrific also make it brilliant. it is perfectly simple, but it is a guy who is older than my dad singing it. He is nursing home material, not Eurovision material. 

I notice in the clip, the make-up artists gave up on hiding his age, and they did apply his make-up, quite obviously with a trowel. colour would have been good. The clip make him so pale that you could believe he wont make it to Eurovision. He has also stolen some of Bert Newton's hair dye, but none of this will get in the way of his potential win. I feel sick. 

Massive international star power often doesnt do anything at Eurovision. Seven years after winning Grammy's for Record ofthe year and song of the year, Domenico Modugno came last, while some 'star power' singers get Eurovision songs to be used in adverts, like the Uk's entry from 1973