I am a dung beetle.... constantly pushing shit around

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG! this is the last one... can you believe it. the pain is almost over

Switzerland

wins: 1956, 1988

expected place. borderline. something tells me iot should qualify but wont

highlights

it kinda sounds 80's

lowlights


it kinda sounds like a depeche mode rip off or something





Switzerland - Lovebugs 'The Highest Heights' (official video clip)

the are described in their bio as 'britpop'... I would say more 'New romantics' from this song. this isnt a bad thing and it isnt that I dont particularly like it, it is just... I have heard it, or stuff like it, for about 2 and a half decades. it is so... done...

Laser lights. they assist in the retro-ness of this song.... it is either a retro 80's clip or it is this years Australia day fire works in Perth, either way it is a bit behind the times. but then since 2003, Eurovision has claimed that the 80's are coming back, and I thought that was just in Estonia.

if is chilly tonight, even in the slanket, and so to finish this final review of 2009, this could qualify, it might not. europeans do some strange things. I wish i could review it from a live performance (other than the eurovision rehearsal) but based on the clip, it is 50/50.

Ghost of Eurovision past: Lys Assia 'Refrain' - 1956. finishing up where it all began. Switzerland were the first country to host Eurovision and the first to win. This song could be from a 1940 film, instead it is from a 1950s TV event. go eurovision!

Israel

Wins: 3 (1978, 1979, 1998)

Expected place: 19th

Highlights

the vocals weren't bad and the harmonised well

lowlights

except for the first line the song and the choruses...



Israel - Noa & Mira Awad 'There Must Be Another Way'

blah blah blah, same ol' same ol'. someone has to sing about peace and harmony and if Germany isn't gong to do it... Israel is a good choice. Georgia sung about peace last year and look at where they are this year...

this song sound be the background music to a TV show or movie, it doesnt feel like it goes anywhere or takes you anywhere musically. vecally it is good, but there is no performance. it is dull and far from 'Diva', Israels last win, and likewise I think this song is far from a win

You know what I love about Eurovision, the complete lack of Politics.... (end sarcasm) one of the big stories out of this song is that Mira Awad is the first Israeli-Arab to represent Israel in Eurovision and that a number of Arab intellectuals and artists are demanding she withdraw. why should she withdraw when the contest is a perfect international promotional tool for her first solo album... see no politics, just money.

Ghost of Eurovision Past: Ilanit 'Ey Sham' - 1973. is it just me or does she look like Janice from the muppet show... dont know. this was Israels first atempt at Eurovision and I think there were less muppeteers in later years.

FYR Macedonia

wins: 0

expected place: final qualifier, if it is lucky

highlights

that hair... I remember whn that was fashionable

lowlights

yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaa-eaaaaah and that high nie he attempted before the bridge and misses completely.



Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia: Next time 'Nešto što kje ostane'

I wonder if Jon Bon Jovi knows that this band has stolen his... well.... his everything. I remember when JOn Bon Jovi had that hair and those jeans and that vest. Mabe he looks a little more Richard Marx though. could this be what 'should've known better' would sound like in Macedonian? who knows, who cares!

love is just a faded memory, actually there was no love for this song at all. I was a bit over yeaheayeah about the third time he howled it, and it could become annoying if i have to hear the song again. the 'pack a day' voice doesn't do it for me either

it is not the worst song in the contest and possibly could qualify, and even do well considering whay else is in the contest. Macedonia usually does qualify just and this will be another just. it isnt great, but it isnt total utter shite, it is just somewhere in between... closer to the later...

Ghost of Eurovision Past (and I do love my toilet roll dolls) Karolina Gočeva 'Od nas zavisi' - 2002. a bit of Sir Terry Wogan at the start and end. and I love her 'abs'. they breed them scary in FYR Macedonia.

Ukraine

Wins: 2004

Expected place: top ten

Highlights

it is different

Lowlights

thats doesnt mean it is good, just... different.



Ukraine: Svetlana Loboda 'Be My Valentine! (Anti-Crisis Girl)'

I like the musical arrangement on this. this so could be a forgettable pop/dance song, but the arrangement makes it a little more interesting. hopefully they wont get rid of the 'brass' for Eurovision. playing drums covered in powder in the bridge was a bit silly though because she looks scary in the final dance routine at the end covered in powder. I just had an image of the Ukrainian delegation bringing a white powder with them to Moscow. that would go down well.

I love the shoes. I love her courage to go around on the stage not knowing if her hair would be perfect after being held upside-down for the first 23 seconds of the song by a dancer who was dancing at the time. hope she is wearing that much make up because she needs it, because there is too much. other than that... this should qualify and do well... the former Russian neighbours will take care of that.

my other concern is that, it is May. valentines day is in February. I dont know if anyone would want to go out and buy this song and then hold onto it for 8 months before they would be able to use it appropriately. it is a little bit... incorrectly timed. this would be a better song to perform at the Asian version of Eurovision which apparently is on in November (something to look forward to there)

Ghost of Eurovision past: Tina Karol 'Show me your Love'. this song is great for the amazing Tambourine which comes out of.... well use your imagination. also there is no backing vocalist to this song. she tried to win on the strength of her one vocal alone. silly girl. great lyrics too...

Slovakia

wins: 0

Expected place: will not qualify

Highlights.

the first 40 seconds (well first 29, then it gets ok again for 10 seconds, then it goes to shit)

lowlights

the rest.






Slovakia: Kamil Mikulčík & Nela Pocisková 'Leť Tmou'

Slovakia has returned for the first time since relegation from the 1999 contest after an 21st in 1998. they have come back with something that for the first 40 seconds, almost sounds pleasant, then it tries to be... like what Azerbajzan sent to Eurovision last year.... crap

possibly overall, the best thing about the song is her dress, though she doesnt have the cleavage to carry it off properly so that backfires. I liked her hair do... I like the candles on the piano... thats about it.

Slovakia is the first county to confirm entry into the 2010 contest, and lets hope it is better than this effort. this wont qualify. no way, no how.

Ghost of Eurovision Past: Marcel Palonder 'Kým nás máš' - 1996. this was Slovakias best score in Eurovison. 19 points got them 18th. if the beard was real and not painted on, they might have got more

Denmark

Wins: 1963 and 2000 (fly on the wing of love... god I hated that song)

Expected place: borderline qualifier.

Highlights

when the scarf attacked... stupid accessory for a guy anyways

Lowlights

his belt line... I thought pointless belts were a girls accessory...



Denmark: Niels Brinck 'Believe Again'

lets start from the start. the vocals werent bad. if pearl jam performed country music, I am sure this is very close to what it would sound like. he is wearing too much foundation, but that doesnt interfere too much with the song, but then theres that wind machine - when wind machines attack.

Nordic acts, as well as Greek acts, but certainly Nordic acts, they love their wind machines. I think that should be a drink in the Eurovision song contest drinking game.
1) if a Nordic act uses a wind machine, drink 2 fingers
2) if a Nordic act doesnt use a wind machine, stop taking the drugs... seriously dude, you're hallucinating. there was a wind machine, there had to have been, you just didnt see it.

this song apparently has a bit of a following, but with how seriously the Nordic countries take Eurovision, that often appears to be the case and the appearance is deceptive. If this is to go far he needs to improve everything from the start of the second chorus onwards and he needs to perform the song.

Ghost of Eurovision Past: Mabel 'Boom Boom' - 1978, after a 12 year break from Eurovision, denmark returned with this. they possibly should have had another year out of Eurovision. 

Poland

wins: 0

expected place. borderline qualify, i think it will fall below said border.

highlights

the dancers trying to escape from... their... placentas...

Lowlights

the vocals.



Poland: Lidia Kopania 'I Don't Wanna Leave'

oh the pain! seriously, if you are going to choose to enter Eurovision, choose a song that is within your vocal range. this song was not even close to her vocal range. it was painful

I think the audience found it just as painful because they applauded twice. once at the end of the song and once after the dancers escaped their placentas and started dancing. this wont win the contest, it wont even come close. i think the only thing it has going for it is that it is a pop ballad, which is a popular choice of genre to win eurovision.

I will leave the last of my review to a direct quote from wikipedia, only because i found this amusing, 'At the end of 2008 years Lidia Kopania raised its new composition I Don't Wanna Leave to eliminate the national Eurovision 2009 - "Song for Europe 2009"'. ah engrish. i think there is something in that for all of us.

Ghost of Eurovision Past: Mietek Szcześniak 'Przytul Mnie Mocno' - 1999. you know i cant think of anything good to say about this act either. I can see why they have never won Eurovision.

Montenegro

wins: none

Expected place: will not qualify

Highlights

She rhymed head with bed.

Lowlights

Just get out of my life
Get out of my way, hey...
Or just stay



Montenegro: Andrea Demirović 'Just get out of my life'

Is it just me or does this sounds remarkably like 'hot stuff'. I dont know, I expect to see very average looking guys stripping to this song (and no, that is not an invitation). Maybe this girl just thinks she is Donna Summer... though she clearly is not...

Lyrically it is a stupid annoying pop song. through the whole song she is like 'fvck off' and then at the end it is like 'fvck off, or stay... i dont mind' MAKE UP YOUR BLOODY MIND! lose the baggage or dont sing about it. Seriously, you dont need this person you are singing about girl, you need a psychiatrist.

ooo ooo oo Heroes has almost finished downloading, so I will quickly say, nope, over this song, it is stupid and wont win. I wont say cant because... I know too much about Eurovision history. I will say wont because if it does win, then I know Europe is ripe for the taking. INVADE INVADE INVADE!

Ghost Of Eurovision Past: No Name "Zauvijek moja" (Serbia and Montenegro) - 2005. This is the band that caused Serbia and Montenegro to withdraw from the 2006 eurovision song contest. the best thing about this performance is the stick twirling. it came 7th. 

Lithuania

Wins: 0

Expected place: 7th

Highlights:

the pants that have their own postcode

Lowlights:

The hat which is very Joe McIntyre from New Kids on The Block... dont ask how I know that.



Lithuania - Sasha Son 'Love' (will be sung in english, above is the live version from the national final - not in enligh)

This boy appears to have a well manicured image, either that or he doesnt have a very big wardrobe because the white bell-bottoms and vest appear in a few places I have seen. he is like a one man boy band.

I have to say I like the sound of the live Lithuanian version better than the recorded english one, i dont know if it is like tAtU, the english verion isnt as good, or that something is lost in the recording. some are saying this could be the surprise packet, I would be more surprised if it doesnt do well.

finally I have to go back to those bell-bottoms. has anyone checked to ensure he is not harbouring refugees in them? if he wears them on-stage in Moscow, I want him to left them up to ensure he doesnt have hidden singers in them, we wouldnt want him to have an advantage by having more than the 6 allowed performers on-stage, would we now...

Ghost of Eurovision past: Aivaras 'Happy You' - 2002. The highlight of this clip is the hosts postcard prior to the song starting. with better vocals this could have been a reasonable song, but people are still excited by it at then end. Eurovision fans: who understands them...

Iceland

Wins: none (best was second to Sweden in 1999)

Expected place this year: thats a hard one. I think this will definitely be top ten. possibly top 4

Highlights

she was able to hold the tune. thats rare for Eurovision

lowlights

disney Ballad. I havent said that this year yet, I dont think. yes this is a bit of a disney ballad, or atleast a teen movie ballad for before the boy runs back to the girl or he other way around.







Iceland: Yohanna 'Is It True?'

Yes it is, it is true, this is the song that Iceland is sending to Eurovision. It isnt that bad either. it isnt great, but it isnt bad. damn it.

tips for Yohanna, one, brush your hair right before going on stage and for christs sake, use product girl, the light catches all the fly-ways. also get a torsolette to hid that tummy a bit. other than that, you can come close to winning this shebang. You wont because Norway will win, but it will be nice if you actually tried to win.

I cant find anything seriously bad. event the engrish is ok because i love engrish in eurovision. I dont like the song and I wouldn't buy it if it was free, but it is good... for eurovision.

Ghost of Eurovision Past: ICY 'Gleðibankinn' - 1986. this song is seriously bad 80s. also the ranga with the mullet is Eirikur Hauksson, who is now known as a heavy metal singer and he is a Eurovision repeat offender, represneting Norway in 1991 and Iceland again in 2007, but I love the 80's...