passionpop: (completely)
This post largely contains spoilers so please stop reading now if you have not watched the event

spoilers )
passionpop: (die bitch)

We are heading for one of the worst Eurovisions in History. There are very even good acts. Here is what to expect from the first semi based on the Second rehersals... and it is not good.

01 Finland
Sandhja
Sing It Away

Good song to open the show with, though people will have forgotten it by the end of the night which will hurt its votes. One would about this song is... teal

02 Greece
Argo
Utopian Land

well they didn't opt for a national selection this year. their internal selection shows they don't want to win... lets face it, they could not afford to host it if they did. wait for the reveal

03 Moldova
Lidia Isac
Falling Stars

This semi is going downhill fast. Like the use of the bathroom tiles on the dress.

04 Hungary
Freddie
Pioneer

I hope the camera sticks on the drummer. he is good. the rest of it is less so

05 Croatia
Nina Kraljić
Lighthouse

This song was top 5 a month ago. now it is barely in the top 20. there is competition for the Barbra Dex this year.

06 The Netherlands
Douwe Bob
Slow Down

You have to understand that in Perth we will be watching this at 3.30am and strugling to stay awake. Sadly this will probably qualify due o a lack of anything much better

07 Armenia
Iveta Mukuchyan
LoveWave

This is one of the sngs That should qualify only because it is better than average just. Someone thinks she is Beyence...

08 San Marino
Serhat
I Didn't Know

This guy is a bit of a turkey... no, no, no, no.

09 Russia
Sergey Lazarev
You Are The Only One

This song is going to piss all over everything else. it will win the semi 10 votes to 1

10 Czech Republic
Gabriela Gunčíková
I Stand

this is looking like one of the better songs but the performance looks shit after russia

11 Cyprus
Minus One
Alter Ego

toilet break

12 Austria
ZOË
Loin d'ici

the toilet roll doll might qualify

13 Estonia
Jüri Pootsmann
Play

This guy fully has he rape face. Whats the rape face? itis when a guy is trying to look sexy and sultry and instead has a look that says they dropped something in your drink and they are going to fvck you like Bill Cosby would...

14 Azerbaijan
Samra
Miracle

it is the year of the catsuit not sure if it will get this song over the line but with this competition anything is possible

15 Montenegro
Highway
The Real Thing

not entirely sure what to day about this one... I like the KITT bar at the front of the stage....

16 Iceland
Greta Salóme
Hear Them Calling

pretty much the same as the national final though people may see it as too similar to Russia's use of the background

17 Bosnia & Herzegovina
Dalal & Deen feat. Ana Rucner and Jala
Ljubav Je

another reveal. watch out for Jala's dress and try not to see a super villan mask in it.

18 Malta
Ira Losco
Walk On Water

She may walk on waters if they break during the performance.

I think the qualifiers will be Finland, Russia, Iceland, Armenia, Austria and fvck knows beyond that.

passionpop: (southpark)
Malta
Previous Entries:28
Wins: 0
First Entry: 1971 Joe Grech - Marija l-Maltija
Most Recent Entry 2015 Amber – Warrior
National Anthem: L-Innu Malti

2016:



Ira Losco - Walk on Water

This song shits me because she sounds like Delta Goodrem and I hate Delta Goodrem. Sounding like Delta is even worse than being a Eurovision repeat offender, which is also is. Despite all this the bookies currently have this song just out of the top 5.

Ira went into the national selections with two songs, “Chameleon” and “That’s why I love you”. She eventually won with Chameleon. Under the rules of the Maltese national selection, the winner can change part or all of the song selected to go to Eurovision with, and that’s what she did. The new song was co-written by a Swedish ‘talent’ show loser who failed to qualify to represent her own country. Co-writer Molly Pettersson Hammar will be seen at Eurovision as Ira Losco’s backing vocalist.

Ira went to Eurovision in 2002 and recorded Malta’s equal best result 2nd. The other artist to finish second, Chiara (2005) returned in 2009 and finished 22nd. I hope this does not do that well. Respect the people and go with what they voted for.

On the topic of the need for respect, check out the leery guy from 1991

passionpop: (subliminal)
Greece
Previous Entries: 36
Wins: 1 2005 (H)Elena Paparitzou – My Number One
First Entry: 1974 Marinella - Krasi, thalassa kai t'agori mou (Κρασί, θάλασσα και τ' αγόρι μου)
Most Recent Entry: 2015 Maria Elena Kyriakou - One Last Breath
National anthem: Ύμνος εις την Ελευθερίαν

2016



Argo - Utopian Land

Hip Hop never does well at Eurovision and Greece’s chances are accurately displayed in the odds for this year’s event. The bookmakers give Argo a snowballs chance in hell of even qualifying. It will need a really very good performance to have a chance and because this is Greece it will also need a good wax…

This is the first time since 2004 that Greece did not use a national selection to choose their Eurovision entry. ERT, the Greek Broadcaster chose to pick this year’s song without the help of the public and I cannot understand why. Greece is one of the few countries that have gone to the Eurovision grand Final every year since the Semi-final system came in. They obviously have a successful formula, why would you change it… unless you want to lose. Why pay the entry fee if you want to lose? I don’t understand

I cannot decide if this song is trying to be political or nonsensical but it is not fantastic. I rarely like the Greek entries (with the exception of The Alcohol is Free) and I do not like this song. It won’t qualify which is sad for such a proud Eurovision country.

I rarely like the Eurovision entries from Greece, not even the one from 1981

passionpop: (dead)
Moldova
Previous Entries: 11
Wins: 0
First Entry: 2006 Zdob şi Zdub - Bunica Bate Toba
Most Recent Entry: 2015 Eduard Romanyuta - I Want Your Love
National anthem: Limba noastr

2016



Lidia Isac - Falling Stars

This song will not qualify for the final on the quality of the song. If this song qualifies it is on the strength of having a Russian singer and being in the same semi as Russia and a few other friends that will give them votes. This song is just a concoction of a bunch of Eurovision clichés.

One plus about this is that Lidia is not a ‘talent’ show graduate. Instead she is a girl group evacuee. After trying to get to Eurovision three times as part of the duo Glam Girls, she ditched the friend that was holding her back and made it on her own. Actually last year she performed as both a solo artist and in Glam Girls and fortunately did not make it with either. All this shows that Moldova may have a slight lack of talent willing to go to Eurovision.

So Lidia is going to Eurovision this year and the bookies don’t rate her at all. Moldova are sitting near the bottom with the bookies and their fortunes have recently gotten worse with their biggest vote provider (Romania) recently kicked out of the contest. Poor Moldova.

This year’s entry is not the worst thing Moldova has given Eurovision. I am not sure what is but coming fairly close is 2006

passionpop: (die bitch)
Austria
Previous Entries: 48
Wins: 2 1966 Udo Jürgens - Merci, Chérie
             2014 Conchita Wurst - Rise Like a Phoenix
First Entry: 1957 Bob Martin - Wohin, kleines Pony?
Most recent Entry: 2015 The Makemakes - I Am Yours
National Anthem: Land der Berge, Land am Strome

2016



ZOË - Loin d’ici

German is an awesome language that gave us words like Schadenfreude, Fremdschämen, Backpfeifengesicht and Handschuhschneeballwerfer. Why, when you have all this awesome German to use would you sing in French. I just don’t get it. Why!

Austria had the most interesting national selection. There were ten songs that competed in “Wer singt für Österreich?”, the show to determine who would go to Eurovision. The show had a Jury element and a public televote. This song finished equal 4th with the jury but first with the public. When the totals were put together, ZOË finished equal second with Bella Wagner. For reasons that I do not understand Bella was considered to have come third. The top two songs by ZOË and Elly V (who came first with the jury, second with the public and first overall in the final) went to a super-final play off which ZOË won. I don’t think either of the other performances were better overall, but I don’t agree that the superfinal was the best way to determine the winner in this scenario.

This song is a fair way back with the bookies. Controversy in the national selections often has a slight impact on the final results and so this song really doesn’t hav a chance. Even if it makes the final, it will just be making the numbers.

You know it doesn’t have to be German German. It can be a dialect like Viennese German like in 1971

passionpop: (putting my foot in it)
Czech Republic (Czechia)
Previous Entries 4
Wins: 0
First Entry: 2007 Kabát - Malá dáma
Most Recent Entry: 2015 Marta Jandová & Václav Noid Bárta - Hope Never Dies
National Anthem: Kde domov můj

2016:



Gabriela Gunčíková - I Stand

This is dependence as a pop song. We have a generation that demands to be treated like individuals but they don’t see themselves as a person until they are no longer an individual. The Oxymoron of millennials.

Gabriela is another ‘talent’ show loser but at least she appears to be able to sing. What surprises me about this very middle of the road song is that it is in the top 15 with the bookmakers. Is it really that good or is it that this year that bad?

This video clip could be a shampoo commercial or a try hard Gotye clip. I don’t get the dark haired girl at the start and end of the clip and I don’t really care. I don’t care for the clip or the song. Bye bye Czechia.

The Czech Republic has never made it to the grand final. Maybe with a name change to Czechia and a more commercial song they can do better than 2009

passionpop: (dead)
San Marino
Previous Entries: 6
Wins: 0
First Entry: 2008 Miodio – Complice
Most recent entry: 2016 Michele Perniola & Anita Simoncini – Chain of Lights
National Anthem: Inno Nazionale

2016



Serhat - I Didn't Know

This song is made up of all the slimy sleazy lines that you would expect from a 40+ year old man trying to hit onto a drunk 20 year old in nastiest nightclub you could imagine. Serhat is 51, so he has the old man in the nightclub happening. The flirtations of the backing dancers in the promo clip is barf-worthy.

Serhat is what San Marino gets from Turkey when it cannot afford the Italian genius Giorgio Moroder. I have not heard anything like this since maybe the early 90’s and it should have been kept that way. The bookies do not rate this and I really fear watching the performance.

There is one plus and that is the name Serhat. Every time I hear it I think Sir Hat. It sounds like a kids show character or something. Pity he doesn’t look like a kids show character.

This will not qualify for the grand final, there is not even a Maybe about that. San Marino will have to wait another year before they can reach the dizzy heights of 2014

passionpop: (die bitch)
Hungary
Previous entries: 13
Wins: 0
First Entry: Friderika Bayer - Kinek mondjam el vétkeimet?
Most Recent Entry: Boggie – Wars for Nothing
National Anthem: Himnusz

2016:



Freddie – Pioneer

Another ‘talent’ show loser hitting the Eurovision stage. Like a typical Factor/Idol/voice winner he has no substance. There is not even anything interesting in his biog. At least he is pretty, but unfortunately that is about it.

Watching the song I realise why I could never be a backing singer. Besides my lack of singing ability I am held back by my lack of coordination. The backing vocalist have perfectly synchronise their right foot rock with each other. They even clap with sticks. I would be a mess. These guys have talent.

This year’s theme appears to be ‘being accepted for being different’. There have been a number of sings with that kind of theme and none of them are highly accepted by the bookies. Freddie isn’t different though. He is cut from the same cloth as every other wannabe star. The bookies rate that just in the top 20

There is always a song that is worse. There were apparently two songs worse than Hungary in 1998:

passionpop: (drunk)
The Netherlands
Previous Entries: 57
Wins: 4 1957 Corry Brokken - Net als toen
            1959 Teddy Scholten - n Beetje
            1969 (shared) Lenny Kuhr - De troubadour
            1975 Teach-in - Ding-a-Dong
First Entry: 1956 Jetty Paerl - De vogels van Holland
Most Recent Entry: 2015 Trijntje Oosterhuis – Walk Along
National Anthem: Wilhelmus van Nassouwe

2016:



Douwe Bob – Slow Down

Every time I see his name I think off Australian Comedian Bob Downe, but he looks and sounds nothing like Aussie Bob. Bob Downe is Cabaret, Douwe Bob is country, So country it hurts.

Douwe Bob is another reality show graduate, but the show he won was De beste singer-songwriter van Nederland. I like the idea of a singer-songwriter competition. It is much better in theory than X-factor, Idol and The Voice. In practice we have someone who is popular in his own country and is giving Eurovision a song that sounds like a 70’s TV show theme. It could be worse. Should be better, but could be worse.

The most successful Eurovision song for the Netherlands in the last 40 years was a country song and that finished second two years ago. It has been 41 years since the last win for The Netherlands and this song is probably too weak in good competition to end the drought.

Forty years ago The Netherlands hosted Eurovision and this is what they gave us in 1976

passionpop: (die bitch)
Iceland
Previous entries: 28
Wins: Nil
First Entry: 1986 ICY - Gleðibankinn
Most recent Entry 2015 María Ólafsdóttir – Unbroken
National anthem: Lofsöngur

2016:



Greta Salóme - Hear Them Calling

An official clip with a drop of the last two Swedish winners in her performance potentially shows what we can expect in her live performance. Ok it is a large dollop of last year’s winner, but it is a good performance even if it lacks originality.

This is Greta’s second tilt at Eurovision. Her first was in 2012, something we will never forget, in a duet with Jonsi, who then was a repeat offender after first showing up in 2004. Iceland has a very small population so you expect repeat offenders, but they quite often find something really good, like Thor from 2013. Yes, I know his name was not Thor but it should have been.

Both this song and Greta’s Eurovision entry in 2012 have a pagan/fantasy feel to it. I said in 2012 that ‘Never Forget’ could be right at home in the next season (season 3) of Game of Thrones. This year’s official clip reminds me of the end of Season 2 when Melisandre gave birth to The Darkness. At least I don’t hate Greta’s songs though.

Going way back to another time in almost another life, Halla Margrét Árnadóttir now sings opera, but in she was a Eurovision star in 1987

passionpop: (completely)
Estonia
Previous entries: 21
Wins: 1 2001 Tanel Padar/Dave Benton/2XL – Everybody
First Entry: 1994 Silvi Vrait - Nagu merelaine
Most Recent Entry: 2015 Elina Born & Stig Rästa – Goodbye to yesterday
National Anthem: Mu isamaa, mu õnn ja rõõm

2016



Jüri Pootsmann – Play

The highlight of this song is that the singer has “Poo” in his name, which is appropriate because that’s about what I think of the song. It is poo, but then out of the options in the national final it had to be poo. The song that was second was such a middle of the road standard Eurovision song and the one that was third featured a singer that couldn’t sing so Poo it is.

Since winning The Idol like “Eesti otsib superstaari” (Estonia is Searching for a Superstar) Juri has been touted as the most exciting singer in Estonia, or so the promo blurb says. He even won the best male artist at the 2015 Estonian Music Awards. I think he is a bit pitchy in the verses. If he is the best then Estonia is in a poor state.

This song was co-written by the writer and performer of last year’s Eurovision entry from Estonia and you can hear the similarity. I am into recycling and I think there should be more of it, but recycling elements of the Eurovision song you wrote last year and putting them into this years song is not doing anything for the environment.

Just because the song is average doesn’t mean it cannot do well. Estonia came 6th in 1999

passionpop: (die bitch)
Croatia
Previous entries: 21* (as an independent country)
Wins: Nil* (Riva, a band from Zagreb, won for Yugoslavia with Rock Me)
First Entry: 1993 Put - Don't Ever Cry
Most recent entry: 2013 Klapa s Mora – Mižerja
National Anthem: Lijepa naša domovino

2016:



Nina Kraljić – Lighthouse (new official clip)

It is not a promo clip. This clip is actually formed from images from a short film called "Hvar - Into the Storm". I have however found a clip of the song performed live on Serbian TV, how live the vocals were we will not know but it didn’t sound too bad. At least Nina is on the screen in the Serbian TV footage.

This song is currently just the top 10 after being in the top 5 a week or so ago. The cause of the drop appears to be accusations of plagiarism which, though siad to be unfounded have this had an impact. Though I think this could be a ballad year, this song is slowly droppiong out of contention. Even though Eurovision loves the celtic flavour this song possesses, it doesn't appear this song has a chance now.

Nina took two attempts to win a talent show. She came 10th in 2009 in The Croatian version of ‘Got Talent (Supertalent) when she was about 17. Last year Nina won The Voice in Croatia. First she dominates Croatia, then the world. Well, maybe…

Could thids song beat Croatia’s best result of 4th? The first time they reached that height it was a scream in 1996

passionpop: (die bitch)
Azerbaijan
Entries: 8
Wins: 1 2011 Ell & Nikki - Running Scared
First entry:2008 Elnur & Samir - Day After Day
Most recent entry: 2015 Elnur Hüseynov - Hour of the Wolf
national Anthem: Azərbaycan Marşı

2016:



Samra – Miracle

This song is like the 80’s crashed into Rhianna and resulted in terrible lyrics. This song is really terrible. The only outstanding thing about this is Samra’s hair. That is outstanding hair. I am jealous. Everything else is bad but the hair is amazing.

The promo clip for this song is certainly worth watching for the most over exaggerated lip-syncing you will ever see. This is almost the worst song Azerbaijan has ever sent to Eurovision, but unbelievably the bookmakers have this in the top 20. That’s politics for you.

Samra tried to get to Eurovision in 2012 when she was 16, but only managed 3rd in her heat, the first of 8. After listening to less than 1 minute of the song I am surprised she made third out of the 10 people in the heat. She then went on to do well on the Azerbaijan version of The Voice. I am really very surprised.

This year will crash and burn, I am sorry Azerbaijan. You should have sent Sabina Babayeva instead like you did in 2012

passionpop: (subliminal)
Armenia
Previous entries: 9
Wins: Nil
First Entry: 2006 André – Without Your Love
Most Recent Entry: 2015 Genealogy – Face the shadow
National Anthem: Մեր Հայրենիք

2016:



Iveta Mukuchyan – LoveWave

After competing in and losing both the Armenian version of Idol and Germany’s The Voice, Iveta is trying to add another loss to her list. If she doesn’t nail this it will be the worst loss of her career, but if she does hit this, well it is a bit of a dark horse.

I fear this song may be too good for Eurovision. If she doesn’t nail it then it is one of the shorter songs this year, so that will be a small mercy, but if this is performed to perfection then it probably won’t win the Eurovsion ‘Song’ Contest, just because... because it is not really a song contest...

Can the sexist Armenian of 2012 win Eurovision in 2016? Anything is really possible but at this moment I will say no. if I see a good live performance then I will change my mind.

This leans a little more to the Ethno-pop that we expect from Armenia. Some Ethno-pop from 2010 about Apricots

passionpop: (completely)
Bosnia and Herzegovina
Previous entries: 18* (as an independent country)
Wins: Nil
First Entry: 1993 Fazla - Sva bol svijeta
Most recent entry: 2012 Maya Sar - Korake ti znam
National Anthem: Državna himna Bosne i Hercegovine

2016:



Dalal & Deen feat. Ana Rucner and Jala - Ljubav Je (edit: Official version live - it is not good) (further edit: the english version is worse)

Deen is not so much famous in Eurovision as infamous for his ‘performance’ in 2004 of "In the Disco". I am not sure what drugs he was on during that performance; I just know it was a lot of them. Hopefully he tones it down this year. He can bring back the epic mirror ball though, I liked that.

As for Ljubav Je, this song is best described as Balkan ethno-pop with a 90’s style rap bridge. It is really had to find anything good about something that is described like that. That could be because there is nothing good about it, there is nothing good about it at all.

This song will get some votes because ethno-pop usually does, but neither I nor the bookmakers rate this one. It was nice of Bosnia and Herzegovina to return to Eurovision after a 3 year absence but they can go away now, they are not really needed or wanted.

The final words on this year’s entry from Bosnia and Herzegovina should be left to their entry from 1997 to make

passionpop: (big)
Finland
Previous entries: 49
Wins: 1 Lordi – Hard Rock Hallelujah
First Entry: 1961 Laila Kinnunen - Valoa ikkunassa
Most recent entry: 2015 Pertti Kurikan Nimipäivät - Aina mun pitää
National Anthem: Maamme

2016:



Sandhja – Sing it away

This song came third in the public vote in the Finnish national selection, however it romped it in with the judges. It was probably a good save by the judges because the song that was most popular with the public was a bit crap and the song that was second is best described as average. This is a much better Eurovision song.

Being the best of a bad bunch has not translated to good odds. The Bookmakers do not rate this at all, which to me is strange because there is something a little naughties Kylie about this song and I would have thought that would appeal to the general Eurovision audience.

The big issue for Sandhja is she has to nail it on the night, and she was a bit crap in the national selection which probably accounts for the odds. Listening to the vocals in the national selction I wish Sir Terry Wogan was still alive. if she repeated those vocals at Eurovision I am sure Sir Terry would tell the audience that “that was truly awful”.

Sandhja said something about Girlpower in her promo article. Girlpower has changed since 1966

passionpop: (completely)
Cyprus
Previous entries: 32
Wins: Nil
First Entry: 1981 Island – Monika
Most Recent Entry: 2015 Giannis Karagiannis – The Thing I Should Have Done
National Anthem: Ύμνος εις την Ελευθερίαν

2016:



Minus One –Alter Ego

Cyprus is sending a Greek-Cypriot act to Eurovision, which is pretty much the standard. Cyprus is more likely so send in a ringer from the UK than a Turkish-Cypriot act. I have to keep reminding myself that there is no politics in Eurovision.

On the topic of standards, this is pretty standard corporate rock. This could be a car commercial or the opening theme for a sports show. I could see clips of soccer players weaving the ball around opponents set to this song. That’s what his song is good for so it baffles me why instead it is going to Eurovision.

Greece and Cyprus are both in the same semi, so theoretically both should qualify for the final. Greece and Cyprus will swap points as they often do, after all the whole purpose of Cyprus being in Eurovision is to give Greece points. An added dimension this year though will be France will likely give Cyrpus points in the final too seeing Francois Micheletto from Minus One is in the French version of The Voice at present. This still won’t win though, it won’t even come close.

Middle of the road is generally where Cyprus sits in Eurovision, like in this flashback from 1985

passionpop: (southpark)
Montenegro
Previous Entries: 7 (as a stand along country)
Wins: Nil
First Entry: 2007 Stevan Faddy - Ajde, kroči
Most Recent Entry: 2015 Knez –Adio
National Anthem: Ој, свијетла мајска зоро

2016:



Highway – The Real Thing.

Just for something different, an X-factor winning band. Actually the X-factor factor is not the most worrying thing about this song; it is that the official lyrics sheet is only four stanzas. It looks like a long 3 minutes.

Montenegro has supplied us with the first of this year’s repeat offenders. Bojan Jovović may be in a rock band now, but 11 years ago he was part of a boyband called No Name who represented Montenegro when they were part of Serbia and Montenegro. Watching their clip again, I cannot understand why they didn’t win….

I am struggling to find something to say about the song that the fact that it is dead last with the bookies doesn’t already say. I am hoping that like ‘Igranka’ this will turn out a little better on the night than it sounds in the release. ‘Igranka’ still failed to qualify for the final but it did better than most of Montenegro’s previous efforts

Most Montenegrin songs have failed to qualify for the final, including the not quite leather clad (I am sure that’s vinyl) 2008 performance

passionpop: (completely)
Russia
Previous entries: 19
Wins: 1 2008 Dima Bilan - Believe
First entry: 1994 Youddiph - Vechny strannik
Most Recent Entry: 2015 Polina Gagarina – A Million Voices
National anthem: Госуда́рственный гимн Росси́йской Федера́ции

2016:



Sergey Lazarev – You Are the Only One.

If you strip out the instruments this song could be pretty much any pop-song sent to Eurovision in the last decade. Despite it being same old, this is currently the favourite in this year’s event. It is such a favourite already that is seems only politics can stop it winning, and probably will.

Sergey tried to be Russia’s representative in 2008 but came 4th in the national final. Sergey seems to be of the same mould as the Russian (and eventual Eurovision) winner of 2008. Sergey is not bad looking. It is like Russia decided to get a Dima Bilan like singer who uses less cocaine. They might have found him though he doesn’t qualify by much.

I have a feeling this song will be performed on the night similarly o the presentation clip, which is a bit of a waste. It deserves more than these B-grade graphics.

Russia is more polished than they were in their early attempts in Eurovision. 1995 was really a different time…

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