Euroision Review: Croatia

Croatia

wins: None (though the only Yugoslav act that won Eurovision was Croatian in 1989)

expected place: will not qualify

Higlights

he is kinda cute

lowlights

the fades too and from Vaseline screen, dont you only do that if some is old or hideously ugly

"Michela - Chameleon - Malta 🇲🇹 - Official Music Video - Eurovision 2019" (Watch on YouTube)

Croatia: Igor Cukrov & Andrea Šušnjara 'Lijepa Tena'

Ouch my ears. OK he needs to lower the tune of that song to a pitch he can reach... and so does she. that wasnt comfortable for me and it certainly wasn't comfortable for them. How the hell did this win Dora (the Croatian national selection). that was rubbish

Since Croatia started entering Eurovision in 1993, I dont think they have sent a single good act to Eurovision. their songs are either as boring as Bat-sh!t, or they are just sh!t. this one falls into the later category. seriously, who do you have to fvck to win Dora... I will go over there and enter AND WIN!... anything is better than this... and lets face it, if this is the best they cant get in Croatia, I will be a shoe-in.

I said all that last year though and it is because i didnt go through with it, we have to listen to this. I am sorry, it is all my fault. It is my fault Croatia wont be in the final this year and it is my fault we have to endure this crap. I'm sorry.

Ghost of Eurovision Past: Vice Vukov 'Brodovi' (Yugoslavia, 1963) this is from the first time Vice went to Eurovision. in 1965 he had a better song, but 1963, it is all about the hair.

"Oto Nemsadze - Keep on Going - Georgia 🇬🇪 - Official Music Video - Eurovision 2019" (Watch on YouTube)

Eurovision review: Cyprus

lucky you, because i missed my review yesterday, I am doing two today... yay

Cyprus

wins: Never

expected place: will not qualify

Highlights

it is a cool name for a song

lowlights

everything else

"Conan Osiris - Telemóveis - Portugal 🇵🇹 - Official Video - Eurovision 2019" (Watch on YouTube)

Cyprus: Christina Metaxa 'Firefly'

WHAT THE FVCK WAS THAT! ok. lets start at what she is wearing. her wardrobe mistress is obviously a fat lady who is jealous of the skinny chick which is why she put her in that. sure the dress has potential, but it needs to be brought in, lots.

after berating the attire, i turned on the sound. soon after my ears started to bleed. that is the most god awful warbling in Eurovision since... since Germany won in 1982. atleast Cyprus is guaranteed to get 12 points from Greece, but thats about all they will get and more than Cyprus deserves

This is a travesty to the name of the song. Firefly is (apparently) good and this is not. this is rubbish and if Cyprus does a similar performance in Eurovision and makes it to the final... I will be amazed.

Ghost of Eurovision Past: Andy Paul 'Anna Mari-Elena' (1984). this is worth ig for the enthusiasm in Nadys movements and the chest hair. ew ew ew... but it is Eurovision.

"John Lundvik - Too Late For Love - Sweden 🇸🇪 - Official Video - Eurovision 2019" (Watch on YouTube)