I am a dung beetle.... constantly pushing shit around

Eurovision: The Wash

Sun, 12 May 2024 13:17:52 GMT

Though I didn't do my usual reviews this year, I am still going to try to explain what the hairy fvck has happened. This Eurovision has been crazy and not in a good way.

It all started in October when Israel decided to murder the Palestinians in Gaza. The precedent was set 3 years ago that this would mean expulsion from the contest, after all, Russia was banned, but no. Months went on and Israel we still in the contest and the EBU refused to kick them out despite increasing public pressure and pressure from artists. Many were involved in open letters to the EU pointing out the hypocrisy, but the EBU wouldn't budge. Under all of this there was also the Israeli song change, as the original was found to be overtly political making reference to October 7, so it was change to the not much better Hurricane, and the EBU was happy. They were alone in that feeling.

For much of March the favourite was Croatia. In April Switzerland became favourite before May brought it back to Baby Lasagna from Croatia, an act that was not even meant to be in Dora (the national selection), but here it was at Eurovision. After being presented at Dora as a reserve song when another was forced to withdraw, it took over. For the first time in ever, Croatia had a legitimate chance of winning. but first they had the semis.

The First Semi was uneventful. Croatia made it through as did Serbia, Cyprus, Luxembourg (who had returned after a 3 decade hiatus), Ireland, Ukraine, Slovenia, Lithuania, Portugal, and Finland. Australia did not make it through finishing 11th, but to be fair this was a song made for juries and there was no jury in the semis, only a public vote. there were also live performances by three of the big 5 (+ winner). UK, Germany, and Sweden took to the stage and really they should have came on after all the countries that needed a vote had performed, but instead they were dispersed between the acts. this can be fixed next year.

The Second Semi was always going to be more tense due to the presence of Israel. The tension through the broadcast appeared to finally end with their performance at 14, and Israel got through with the Netherlands, Norway, Greece, Switzerland, Austria, Armenia, Latvia, Georgia, and Estonia. What was not heard through the broadcast though was the boo's for Israel because muted and covered in canned applause, which sounded tacky. What was also not heard was what went on behind the stage which resulted in the Netherlands being disqualified from the final. This didn't break until the following evening. but before that there was Italy.

During the broadcast on RAI, a ticker appeared on the bottom of the screen while the grand finalists from the semi were being announced. The ticker showed what was apparently the percentages from the televote from Italy to the other countries in the semi. What stood out like a dogs bollocks was the Israel got almost 40% of the televote. This was impossible. The next highest was the Netherlands and they were only around 7%. Fans quickly decided that this was not an 'accidental leak' as was being announced in the media, this was a warning. the results were seriously wrong or manipulated. the fear spread like wildfire. There were calls for an anti-vote, a vote for one selected favourite to ensure Israel could not win. The fans were mobilising.

The Jury final was starting and all the performers, including the Dutch had gone through the flag ceremony, where all the grand finalists are presented in performance order with their nations flag. Soon after this Joost, the Dutch performer, left the arena. his name was also removed from the running order. The Juries saw a taped performance of Joost from the Semi final in lieu of a live show. meanwhile his name was being removed from the door of his dressing room. Scant details were coming out but there was something about an EBU staffer and Joost in police questioning. It was not until the next day that details started trickling in and not long after his name was apparently put back on his dressing room door, the news was confirmed that he was disqualified. For what though.

There was an announcement early on that it did not involve Israel. That appeared to have only been said to calm the crowds who were baying for blood. It was known that the Israeli delegation were harassing some of the acts including Joost and Irelands Bambie Thug and goading them into making comments. This was known because the Israeli delegation had filmed it and put it up online. The Israeli delegation are also alleged to have made comments to Joost about his deceased dad. Despite the bulling, Israel were still not being sanctioned, but we were detailing with a very real disqualification of a gentle soul. Acts were also reporting harassment from the Israeli media at the venue. This is where the truth was and it is where we learn about the Swedish law of 'unlawful threats'

So back to semi 2, when Joost was leaving the stage, apparently a Israeli journalist/camera woman was backstage demanding an interview. Joost was mindful that he needed to get back straight after his performance to the greenroom. he told the journo no, multiple times sand informed her he did not want to be filmed. They were forcing the point and he made a gesture. He did not touch the other person but they deemed the gesture threatening and reported it to the EBU and the Swedish police. After the police questioning of Joost and Crisis talks, the Dutch delegation were brought in for mediation with the camera woman who refused all reasonable offers of apologies and mitigation strategies and the EBU made the call to disqualify him.

14 hours after the disqualification, Joost still has not made an official comment. The Dutch delegation immediately called the disqualification 'disproportionate'. Dutch TV presenter Cornald Maas was asked by international media for his comment. he is being misquoted as saying 'Fuck the EBU", what he did say was "I would say 'fuck the EBU'", and since many have repeated this sentiment. It is gut wrenching though because this was Joost's dream, a promise he made his dad before he died of cancer, he wanted to perform at the Eurovision final, and some evil person took that away because they had broken the rules. The camera person was not even meant to be in that back stage area. They were the harassing party. but the show must go on, and it did
An announcement was made early in the show about the disqualification. There was much dissatisfaction.it was obvious this was a dumpster fire event and Germany came prepared with their own

There have been mentioned that the broadcasters cut the sound quickly after acts so they did not make speeches. Portugals performance was initially not put on line do to the Keffiyeh's painted on her nails. The EBU tried to hide the boos on Israel but were less successful than in the semi, and then there was Martin Österdahl, the EBUs Executive officer, who is unlikely to hold the job much longer if the boos were anything to go by. Whenever he was on the screen to make an announcement, the Audience sounded more like a mob, and he had to make a few announcements, including for the votes for The Netherlands as their spokesperson withdrew from the contest in the aftermath. Two other spokes persons withdrew and were hastily replaced and votes were put up on the screen. When Israel announced their votes, many in the crowed turned their back on the stage. Slowly two things became apparent, the Jury loved Switzerland and; the jury was not fussed on Israel. They finished on 52 jury votes in total. If Joost was allowed to perform, we later found out that the jury would have given him 58 votes.

The top three at the end of the Jury count were:

Switzerland 365
France 218
Croatia 210

Now for the public.

Israel hit the lead briefly receiving 323 votes from the public tanking them to 375. There were boos. they were quickly overtaken by Ukraine, who after receiving 307 from the people, went up to 453. cheers went up. Croatia won the Televote on 337. Ironically if the Netherlands performed it would have split the vote and Croatia would have been much lower. Israel could have won the televote had their journalist not had Joost disqualified. This means Joost is our Jesus, he took the fall to save us.

Croatia could not win with that televote and finished on 547 in total, this pushed Ukraine below Baby Lasagna, but the overall winner was Switzerland on 591

The shit show has not stopped though. Many acts have since come out to speak of the toxic environment Lithuania, Spain, Ireland to name a few. Italy are facing has been sanctioned, not just for the voting leak but for a door-stop presser before the final trying to encourage calm and ended with Angelina Mango singing "Imagine". Ireland reigns supreme though with the boss move the day before the final where Bambie Thug through the press area wearing a keffiyeh and carrying a watermelon. If the toxicity was killing them, they were not going to show it, not yet. Since the event Bambie Thug has joined the chorus saying "Fuck he EBU", and rightfully so. If the EBU will not ensure a safe environment for all the artists to work then they are failing and fvck them. And the EBU could have sorted out this Toxic environment last year by simply banning Israel from competing. I hope they do better in Switzerland. If not we will have to send for Bambie Thug to put a hex on the EBU. If it was this hectic for the fans to follow, I cannot imagine what it was like for the performers

comments

Eurovision 20254; Ukraine

Thu, 11 Apr 2024 11:48:05 GMT

This year due to life I don't have time to do my usual reviews so I am just poaching those done by Voyager

Ukraine History

comments

Eurovision 2024: Malta

Wed, 10 Apr 2024 12:59:38 GMT

This year due to life I don't have time to do my usual reviews so I am just poaching those done by Voyager

Malta History

<br><br type="_moz">

comments

Eurovision 2024: Norway

Tue, 09 Apr 2024 11:22:50 GMT

This year due to life I don't have time to do my usual reviews so I am just poaching those done by Voyager

Norway History

comments

Eurovision: the Washup

Sun, 14 May 2023 05:00:48 GMT

Eurovision is over for another year and though we do not have the full televote votes available as yes and the full breakdown of voting from the semis is not known but we do know that in the semis, which were televote only, Finland and Australia were the winners of their respective semi's. All the countries in Semi 1one got votes but in Semi two, San Marino and Romania both finished on nil points.

As for the final, the eventual winner failed to get 12 from any nations televote and though the full breakdown is not yet released, Finland got 12 points from 18 countries in the televote on top of the two jury 12 points. it is only thanks to the juries overall that Finland lost by 57 points.

Some of the results were a bit of a shock, but it my be remembered that the Jury vote on a different performance than the public. Like Norway had not be perfected their song all week, but Alessandra nailed it to wall in the final so she got a poor score from the jury but came third overall in the televoting. Austria and Portugal both suffered from being at the top of the show and were long forgotten by the time of voting. but regardless of what you think of the voting, this is not how you react:

France, after receiving just 54 points from the public (on top of their 104 from the Jury) seemed at first to be indicating c'est la vie with her left hand, but then with the right elegantly turned up a perfectly manicured middle finger to the camera. I liked her song too, but she is a bitch.

Australia eventually finished 9th for the third time and it was also our third time we won our Semi. but the evening does not belong to us. It belongs to Sweden.

Sweden has now equalled the amount of wins that Ireland has had of 7, a record Ireland held alone since 1996. Loreen is also the first artist to win two Eurovision's since Ireland's Johnny Logan. The song itself left fans divided. Most didn't like it but to be fair, I didn't like her last win, Euphoria, until long after the event. Even though I thought back then it only won for the performance more than the song, now I could not imagine Eurovision without that song. I fear the same will go for Tattoo. It also should be noted that co-writers Thomas G:Son and Peter Boström have now also won two Eurovision's with both previously credited as writers for Euphoria. This beings to 7 the number of writers who have won two Eurovision's. You know what this means... Ralph Siegel is going to have to come back next year with a new song next year.

So despite the appearance again that juries went with a popular act when they didn't know what do to, again interfering with the contest, no one can deny that the winner was Loreen and we are going to Sweden in 2024 for the 50th anniversary of ABBA's win.

comments

Eurovision 2023: Grand Final

Sat, 13 May 2023 12:41:24 GMT

There are 26 acts left to go and in under 6.5 hours the show will start. Here is what we know about the acts

Austria - fans are getting behind this one and it would be a potential sleeper, but at the front of the night it will be forgotten by voting

Portugal - another popular song with a bad placement

Switzerland - being in the place of death (3rd) won't hurt this song as it was never a chance.

Poland - should have been an opener as it is better buried

Serbia - Still wondering how the fvck this got through

France - this is an excellent song, but the clips are showing the performance is lacklustre. Such a shame.

Cyprus - The other Australia with former Australia Decides contender Andrew Lambrou. Will at least get 12 points from Greece.

Spain - another song that has great potential, but the clips are showing a performance that could be better.

Sweden - The almost unbackable favourite with the return of Loreen. Could be the first person to make the double since Ireland's Johnny Logan. Watch this space.

Albania - really needs subs. This is a great lyric an a beautiful song

Italy - a repeat offender that should be kept in jail. This song wont threaten the real contenders.

Estonia - vocals are well executed but the lyrics are irksome. should do well regardless

Finland - #2 with the book makers and it has everything, literally everything, mooshed together like a meatloaf.

- and now we have a break for the half way mark before we continue to...

Czech Republic/Czechia - one or the people who like it a little artsy.

Australia - One of the people that like Keytars, and who doesn't.

Belgium - one for the people who liked 90s Boy George.

Armenia - One for people who like pretty colours.

Moldova - One for the people who like these Eurovision Repeat offenders.

Ukraine - one for the people who want to see the death of Eurovision. This is a much better song than their one that won last year, but they are trying for the sympathy vote again and I am over the politics. #3 with the bookmakers

Norway - #5 with the book makers and it started shaky in the semi, but then it was the opening song. will probably be better after a few. songs.

Germany - this will rock the house

Lithuania - weird to put the most gentle song in the contest straight after Germany's metal.

Israel - #4 with the bookmakers and one of the better pure pop songs in the contest. Should finish top 5

Slovenia - this is a good time for a toilet break

Croatia - this is a better time for a toilet break

United Kingdom - She wrote a song...

comments

Eurovision 2023: United Kingdom

Sat, 13 May 2023 11:58:37 GMT

Artist: Mae Muller

Song: I Wrote a Song

Currently with bookmakers: 9th (40/1-150/1)

Place 2022: Second in the final

Wins: 5 (1967, 1969, 1976, 1981, 1997)

Mae Muller was an internal selection from the BBC and TaP music, who collaborated for the first time last year to select Sam Ryder and earning the UK's highest place since 1998 when they also finished second. 1998 was also the last time Eurovision was hosted by the UK, like this year. and the home crowd will be 'egging her on' like Prince Charles is.

I Wrote a Song is a similar theme to Solo, the Polish song, however as a song I Wrote a Song is executed better. one of the songwriters, Karen Poole has written from a lot of names and the other (with Mae Muller), Lewis Thompson has ben nominated for a Brit Award. what they have given us is a summer dance party riff that will be intermingled with better songs for holiday partiers. It is not going to do as well as last year.

The UK has been at Eurovision since almost the beginning and after a decade of just participating they finally got a win with a song that is lyrically problematic now. A great Eurovision song though

comments

Eurovision 2023: Ukraine

Sat, 13 May 2023 07:37:51 GMT

Artist: TVORCHI

Song: Heart of Steal

Currently with bookmakers: 3rd (8/1-15/1)

Place 2022: Winners

Wins: 3 (2004, 2016, 2022)

TVORCHI met while at Ternopil National Medical University and though they came second in the jury vote at Vidbir 2023 to Krutь, They won the popular vote and Krutь came third. Krutь is probably more of a Eurovision song, but it is the Nigerian born Jimoh Augustus Kehinde and Ukrainian Андрій Вікторович Гуцуляк that will go to Eurovision.

Heart of Steal has really fatalist music and this song will be used to gain another political win for Ukraine. With this year being public vote only and with the inclusion of a 'rest of the world' public vote, this could well win again which would be a shame for the contest because even though it is a good song, better than last years shit and much better than the screaming banshee, both of which won, it would be nice if this went back to being a song contest.

Ukraine likes to assault the listeners ears at Eurovision, and besides the creaming banshee that on in 2016, the best example of aural assault was 2021 when they sent this

comments

Eurovision 2023 The biggest losers form the semis

Fri, 12 May 2023 10:53:47 GMT

Now that the semis are over we have lost 11 acts of varying quality from the Eurovision song contest. This is the wash up of the semis

Semi 1

Malta are really unlucky. they nailed it and had a great performance. The only real flaw was some of the camera work was out, and this impacted a number of acts in the evening and was not Malta's fault and it is a shame to see them gone.

Latvia is another one that could have gone through even though the lead singer of Sudden Lights is trying to be a young version of 80s Bowie.

Ireland just looks painful and if I had to see everything, so does everyone else:

Azerbaijan were like Jedward without the happy drugs and with less talent. The song was cute but drugs were needed.

Netherlands this song was co-written by a former Eurovision winner and it was a loser. So many reasons.

Semi 2

Denmark was not a good entry to open the show with. interestingly the staging had some similarities to Malta vocals were not as good though

Romania were interesting because they changed the opening to acoustic which didn't work as well as the national final version in Romania and this probably cost it making the final

Iceland deserved to get through for the one hand handstand and no other reason.

Greece... the youngest entry Greece has sent to Eurovision and even 12 points from Cyprus could not get this through

Georgia. the song either needed to be sung in a lower pitch or Iru should have been a backing singer. Either the song or the singer was wrong.

San Marino even though they didn't nail this, it probably was good enough to get through had it not been in a semi that was so rock heavy and if they sounded less like the Scissor Sisters.

comments

Eurovision 2023: Semi final 2

Thu, 11 May 2023 13:33:39 GMT

After losing 5 songs of various quality 2 days ago, we are set to lose another 6 in 5 and a half hours. here are the options to cull

Denmark - Fleetwood Mac want their song back

Armenia - Rhianna wants her look back

Romania - a sultry young man...

Estonia - A bridge too far

Belgium - Graduated from backing vocalist to this

Cyprus - 12 points from Greece

Iceland - to be fair they only have 400000 people to chose from.

Greece - 12 points from Cyprus

Poland - She is probably Solo because she is one of those girls.

Slovenia - they are Killers... or something like them

Georgia - Junior Eurovision graduate

San Marino - Still recovering from breaking the budget to get Flo Rida to preform 2 years ago evidently

Austria - possibly the song of the night and it was a long wait for something this good.

Albania - a family affair

Lithuania - half of a repeat offender

Australia - The final countdown for Australia with a song that harks back to when The Final Countdown was a new song.

comments

Eurovision 2023: Australia

Thu, 11 May 2023 13:16:07 GMT

Artist: Voyager

Song: Promise

Currently with bookmakers: 16th* (100/1-250/1)

Place 2022: 15th in the final

Wins: 0

Voyager should have been Australia's Eurovision entry in 2022 with Dreamer, however the jury stole the vote and Sheldon Riley won Australia decides by 3 points after the televote was capped and rounded, but the Jury vote was not. In an attempt to make up for the blatant disregard for public opinion, Voyager were internally selected to be Australia's reprehensive for 2023, which is probably going to be the last time we grace the Eurovision stage as a country so we had to make it big and this song promises to be just that

Promise is a grower. The more you hear it the more the 80s the more it completes the song. There are elements in the song that are standard, including a small passage that sounds like it is out of Sweden's Winner Heroes from 2015, but there is nothing original in Eurovision. This song is still a cracker, though Dreamer was better.

Out of 8 attendances at Eurovision only two acts have not ben from NSW or Queensland, Voyager and Jessica Mauboy. Not that there is anything bad with the Queensland acts, they have often given us something great including our highest finish of Second from the great Dami Im.

comments

Eurovision 2023: Albania

Thu, 11 May 2023 12:33:36 GMT

Artist: Albina & Familja Kelmendi
Song: Duje

Currently with bookmakers: 30th* (200/1-750/1)

Place 2022: 12th of 17 in Semi final 1

Wins: 0

Albina and her family, the Kelmendi family did not win Festivali i Këngës, which is an Albanian music festival that has been running since 1962, long before Albania started going to Eurovision in 2004. This year it was announced that there would be a separate Televote for the Eurovision representative based on the Festivali i Këngës top three so even though Elsa Lila won Festivali i Këngës, Kosivar-Albanian Albina and her family won the televote and are going to Eurovision. It is a long way from the Second Place in The Voice Albania that Albina achieved in 2014.

Duje needs subtitled to be appreciated. Most of the song sounds like a whiny Balkan standard, however the translated lyrics are beautiful and it is easy to understand why an Albanian public would connect with this song after reading them with the vocals. The Festivali i Këngës winner, though beautiful sounds like the Swedish chef in comparison. It is a shame no one will know the words to appreciate this song, if they did this would be top ten. As is it will struggle to qualify.

When it comes to Romania at Eurovision, nothing goes past Rona Nishliu. The recorded song was nothing compared with the live performance which finished 5th but arguably deserved more.

comments

Eurovision 2023: Poland

Thu, 11 May 2023 12:06:00 GMT

Artist: Blanka

Song: Solo

Currently with bookmakers: 21st*(200/1-500/1)

Place 2022: 12th in the final

Wins: 0

Blanka and her entry to Eurovision has been the subject of accusation of cronyism in Poland with accusations two jury members, including the jury chair were associated with Blanka and the heavy use of her song to promote Tu bije serce Europy! Wybieramy hit na Eurowizję!, the Polish national selection. The the fan favourite Jann had 3 times the televote of Blanka. Multiple petitions were launched to change the result, but nothing changed and we still have Bland Blanka Solo.

Solo is a fairly middle of the road popsong and despite reaching #1 in Lithuania nothing about it stands out. The performance at Eurovision will probably be equally as middle of the road with lots of strutting, grinding and twerking in lieu of actually dancing. Even if this makes the final, there it will come against more polished popsongs with actual dance routines which will leave this middle to the bottom of the road, in the gutter somewhere.

Poland finished second in their first Eurovision and have never replicated that success, they have not even made the top 5. Their next highest is 7th which they reached in 2003 with Ich Troje with a ballad for the ages

comments

Eurovision 2023: San Marino

Wed, 10 May 2023 12:54:09 GMT

Artist: Piqued Jacks

Song: Like an Animal

Currently with bookmakers: 31st* (200/1 - 1000/1) - last since Semi one completed.

Place 2022: 14th of 18 in Semi Final 2

Wins: 0

Piqued Jacks hail from the tiny little San Marinese external territory known as Tuscany, better known for being part of Italy. San Marino searched far and wide for entrant and even Alfie Arcuri, who tried to represent Australia in 2019 ultimately finishing 5th at Australia decides, managed to get past over 1000 acts to make the top 20 at Una voce per San Marino, where Piqued Jacks won the right to represent a country of 33,562 people. I have been in a sport stadium containing 3 times the amount of people that call San Marino home, which is why they will give their Eurovision entry to anyone of 1000 entrants

Like an Animal is a very catchy pop rock song that is comparable with songs by The Killers, The White Stripes and potentially The Strokes. The Problem for this song is that San Marino has only made the final thrice. Even when the crowd in the venue likes the San Marinese song, it rares translates to high votes which is a shame.

San Marino has had a short history in Eurovision, but Ralph Siegel has written over 1/3 of their entries. Though mainly for Valentina Monetta, He also wrote their entry in 2015, which was best forgotten so here is a reminder. Classic Siegel

comments

Eurovision 2023: Greece

Wed, 10 May 2023 11:42:46 GMT

Artist: Victor Vernicos

Song: What they Say

Currently with bookmakers: 29th* (200/1-750/1)

Place 2022: 8th in the final

Wins: 1, 2005

Victor Vernicos is the youngest entrant Greece has ever sent to Eurovision at sweet 16, but he will still get 12 points from Cyprus. He was selected from an internal shortlist that went from 7 to 3 and then the three was put to too juries, and artistic one that preferred young Victor, and the public committee which preferred Melissa Mantzoukis. Strangely, though the public committee was meant to be over 50% of the vote, they handed out over 400 points less than the Artistic committee, as a result Melissa Mantzoukis is suing the national broadcaster and that case will be heard after Eurovision where Victor performs.

What they say has elements of Mumford and Son's, who are honoured with imitations every Eurovision, and maybe some Coldplay. It is a rather mumble-y song and with only about 25 seconds to grab the audience before they are bored and take a toilet break the early mumbles are bad. This probably won't qualify unless countries other than Cyprus gives it points.

Despite only winning one Eurovision in almost 50 years, Greece has come a long way since 1974 where they had the worlds happiest backing singer. At least the lead singer seemed happy

comments

Eurovision 2023: Austria

Wed, 10 May 2023 10:49:00 GMT

Artist: Teya and Salena

Song: Who the hell is Edgar?

Currently with bookmakers: 10th* (40/1-100/1)

Place 2022: 15th of 17 in Semi final 1

Wins: 1, 2014

Teya and Salena met while competitors on Starmania, an Idol rip-off in Austria, and were internally selected to represent Australia in 2023. Teya (Teodora Špirić) tried to represent her parents native Serbia in 2020 but finished 10th at Beovizija. Salena (Selina-Maria Edbauer) also tried her hand at Eurovision in 2019 for Austria, but was not selected by the broadcaster that time. She has also competed on The Voice of Germany in 2017 before the fateful Starmainia meeting in 2021.

Who the hell is Edgar? has ben one of the more popular entries this year since it was announce and it is certainly a great entry. It also has a great dance routine with it which, if it is performed on stage will get the live audience going. This song has been hovering around the top 10 and could be a sleeper and win, or it could cash and burn. We'll see

There is the potential that Eurovision acts of the past look at new entries and wonder what happened to music, particularly if they came from 1959 when a Calypso was yodelled at Eurovision by this guy.

comments

Eurovision 2023: Semi 1

Tue, 09 May 2023 11:07:01 GMT

The politics of Eurovision will be on full display starting in just under 8 hours and this is what to expect

Norway - Strong contender bad position. Opening songs are often forgotten

Malta - largely forgot about this song which is for the best

Serbia - wants to put you to sleep

Latvia - does put you to sleep

Portugal - Wakes you up again

Ireland - look forward to a car crash

Croatia - the aftermath of the car crash

Switzerland - the car crash after the car crash

Israel - Back to songs with potential

Moldova - Everyone loves a repeat offender

Sweden - another repeat offender, but this one is the favourite to win

Azerbaijan - they want you to tell them more, but please don't

Czech Republic - the poor mans version of Norway, remember them?

Netherlands - another one I had forgotten about

Finland - this one cannot be forgotten, it burns itself into your retinas and then makes them bleed.

comments

Eurovision 2023: Finland

Mon, 08 May 2023 15:12:39 GMT

Artist: Käärijä

Song: Cha Cha Cha

Currently with bookmakers: 2nd (47/25 - 9/4)

Place 2022: 21st in the FInal

Wins: 1, 2006

Käärijä won Uuden Musiikin Kilpailu 2023, the Finnish national final for Eurovision in the most convincing way. The Jury gave him almost 1/3 more votes than his nearest competitor, but the public gave him over 50% of the vote. The 6 other competitors had no hope. For all those votes, what did Finland send to Eurovision? A shirtless man with a bowl haircurt. Those crazy Finns

Cha Cha Cha initially defies explanation. What words can be used to describe this lyrical and artistic masterpiece to the uninitiated. tThen about half way through it becomes clear. The song starts with a metal growl and a heavy dance beat then descends into J-pop. This song is essentially BabyMetal without the 12 year old Japanese girls in school uniform. It is what Ladybeard has been doing for a decade in Japan, first with LadyBaby and currently with BabyBeard. This again proves that there is nothing original in Eurovision.

Sometimes the more you look at things the more they defy explanation. In 1976 Finland sent what could have ben Meatloaf or could have been Benny hill.

comments

Eurovision 2023: Israel

Mon, 08 May 2023 12:12:19 GMT

Artist: Noa Kirel

Song: Unicorn

Currently with bookmakers: 7th (20/1-50/1)

Place 2022: 13th of 18 in Semi final 2

Wins: 4 1978, 1979, 1998, 2018

Noa Kirel was announced as the Israeli artist for Eurovision 2023 2 months after Eurovision 2022 however it appears the Israeli Public Broadcasting Corporation (Kan) had not checked with her about this. It would be another month before she confirmed she would go to Eurovision for Israel, she then co-wrote a song with amongst others Doron Medalie, who co-wrote Israel's last Eurovision winner, Toy, for Eurovision 2023 as well as two other Eurovision entries for Israel (2 if you include the one he wrote for the cancelled 2020 contest), and one for Georgia.

Unicorn starts off as a powerful pop track but then ends in a mess. It is like they didn't know how to end it so they changed the song and changed it again then terminated it. If the end was no so munted it would be top 10. it has elements that are similar to Ireland's entry from last year, which itself had had borrowed from the last 15 years of pop music. There is nothing new in Eurovision though.

In 1977 Israel sent Janice from the muppets to Eurovision to sing another song which sounded like it was two songs mooshed in together that then lead to a nationalistic anthem musically. Israeli songs improved from here.

comments

Eurovision 2023 Moldova

Sun, 07 May 2023 12:28:39 GMT

Artist: Pasha Parfeny
Song: Soarele și luna
Currently with bookmakers: 19th (100/1-250/1)
Place 2022: 7th in the Final
Wins: 0

Pasha Parfeny is already Eurovision royalty. He represented Moldova in 2012 with Lăutar which he co-wrote, and then the following year co-wrote a song for one of his backing singers from the year before, Aliona Moon, perform to perform on the Eurovision stage. that song was O Mie and finished 11th, equal to his finish in 2012. He has also tried unsuccessfully to go to Eurovision 3 further times as a singer/song writer and once more as just a song writer. One of those times, 2010, he lost to the band he had previously been in, SunStoke Project. He has finally made it back to Eurovision though because perseverance pays off.

Soarele și luna won Etapa națională 2023, the Moldovan national selection, with Sunstroke Project coming second and Aliona Moon third. Soarele și lunais the stronger song though it sounds like it could be background music in a fantasy TV series. The lyrics, written by Parfeny's wife Iuliana are quite thin, but also seem to sit in a fantasy theme. It needs a great performance to win Eurovision though

Moldova's most prolific repeat offender as a performer is Zdob și Zdub who have cracked the top 10 twice and made the final on their only other attempt. The first time they hit the top ten was with theirs and their nations first entry in 2005. Grandma bangs the drum.

comments

Eurovision 2023: Portugal

Sun, 07 May 2023 11:40:03 GMT

Artist: Mimicat

Song: Ai coração

Currently with bookmakers: 25th (150/1-400/1)

Place 2022: 9th in the final

Wins: 1 2017

Mimicat won Festival da Canção 2023 after wining the popular vote and drawing on the jury vote with Edmundo Inácio's "A festa", and though they were both awarded 12 jury points, Mimicat should have been declared the jury winner on countback as she got 12 points from more regional juries than Edmundo did. In taking out Festival da Canção she also defeated former Eurovision representative for Portugal Cláudia Pascoal who finished last in the final after automatic elevation from Portugal's 2017 win.

Ai coração is a toe tappingly good song. A lot of effort was put into presentation, much more than when Mimicat, under the name of Izamena, tried to get into Eurovision in 2001. In 22 years she has become a great little performer and this song needs to be performed to perform well. The more popular songs are not as enjoyable as this one though and it should make the finals and finish in the top half.

Portugal has sent a few mononymous artists to Eurovision. In 1988 it was Dora who graces the stage, at her second Eurovision for Portugale in 3 years and in that year she had the better hair.

comments

Eurovision 2023: Latvia

Sun, 07 May 2023 06:25:12 GMT

Artist: Sudden Lights
Song: Aija

Currently with bookmakers: 26th (200/1-1000/1)

Place 2022: 14th out of 17 in Semi final 1

Wins: 1 2002

Sudden Lights won both the popular televote and the jury vote at Supernova 2023 beating out Patrisha's "Hush" who was second in both. Prior to Supernova, Sudden Lights' claim to Eurovision fame was opening act for Brainstorms tour a few years ago, Brainstorm having come third for Latvia in 2000. Predictions are Sudden Lights won't finish that high.

Aija roughly translates to lullaby, and though it doesn't start like a lullaby, it does calm down to a hush near the end. other than the first 30 seconds, it is very 90s indi and comparable to Powderfinger, just not as good. This will need a good performance to get cut through and not actually being Powderfinger, I doubt it.

Latvia has tried a few different things to win Eurovision. Opera, pop, and a lot of indi. 2001 is likely in the indi category more due to a failure of any other better fit

comments

Eurovision 2023: Spain

Sat, 06 May 2023 05:23:45 GMT

Artist: Blanca Paloma

Song: EAEA

Currently with bookmakers: 5th (14/1-30/1)

Place 2022: 3rd in the final

Wins: 2 1968, 1969 - Draw

Blanca Palmona is a New Flamenco artist that apparently raised a duck in her bathtub as a child according to her official Eurovision bio. She won both jury votes and that public vote at Benidorm Fest 2023 - the Spanish national selection, and is bringing a song that is wildly popular with Eurovision fans. Spain has really started to bring it in the last few years.

EAEA starts with a a stunning vocal that brings the audience closer to listen to her. Instruments are used sparingly and it is carried with vocals. As 'New Flamenco' it has elements of flamenco like the beat but guitar is absent. The vocal is like the calling kind of vocal that is like the vocal use when vocals are used in flamenco, but also a cross between this and an Arabic vocal. Before we call out cultural appropriation, flamenco, despite being regarded as Spanish, is gypsy music. Just saying.

This year was Blanca's second attempt to get to Eurovision after finishing 5th in the national selection last year. Two is not always good. Serafín went to Eurovision twice and the first in 1992 was his better result at 14s. Blanca should finish higher than this

comments

Eurovision 2023: Serbia

Fri, 05 May 2023 13:36:10 GMT

Artist: Luke Black

Song: Само ми се спава (Samo mi se Spava)

Currently with bookmakers: 17th (100/1-300/1)

Place 2022: 5th in the final
Wins: 1 2007

Luke Black tried to go to Eurovision in 2016, but in an internal selection Sanja Vučić was sent instead. Luke then went on to study music and came back this year to compete in Pesma za Evroviziju '23, a national selection event for Serbia's entry to Eurovision. He ultimately won despite losing the Jury vote to Nađa and the public televote to Princ. So essentially they ended with the act that no one really wanted.

Само ми се спава was the artsy choice and with how well Konstrakta did last yeah with the very artsy "In corpore sano". It would probably be better if the refrain was a legitimate growl and not distortion because too much of the song is distorted and intentionally discordant. It is still artsy but not like Konstrakta and will not fair as well at Eurovision, but 5th is hard to get twice.

Serbia won Eurovision in 2007 and since then their best result was 3rd in 2012 with a very Balkans song. Serbia knows what it does well

comments

Eurovision 2023: Estonia

Thu, 04 May 2023 13:29:56 GMT

Artist: Alika

Song: Bridges

Currently with bookmakers: 24th (50/1-500/1)

Place 2022: 23rd in the final

Wins: 1 2001

Alika won Eesti otsib superstaari (Estonia is Searching for a Superstar) in 2001 which lead to popularity in Estonia and her win at Eesti Laul 2023 which resulted in her going to Eurovision. She teamed up with Wouter Hardy who co-wrote Eurovision winner Arcade to write this years entry. 2023 is a year filled with Eurovision royalty and this is just another example.

Bridges is another Eurovision song this year that sounds like everything released in the last 30 years. it also sounds like an advert for car tyres. Though Alika was an amazing voice, the lyrics of this song are had to connect with. It appears to be about having wronged others and not so much people apologetic or repentant, but more about building 'bridges' over the mistakes. It is less emotional and more of a song about excusing oneself from being a person. Many will find this hard to connect to despite the awesome vocal. Such a Shame.

From working with Eurovision Royalty to being Eurovision royalty. Maarja-Liis Ilus represented Estonia at Eurovision twice before she was 17. She might not have won but she is a goddess with hair bigger than the rest of her, and what is more Eurovision than hair.

comments